Dear friends and other readers, with a heavy heart I must inform you that I am selling out to “the man”. I’m not really sure who he is, but I do know that two men in black gym shorts approached me while on the treadmill and proceeded to have a very coincidental conversation. They mentioned enough of my interests to really pique my attention. And then they implicitly warned me against getting my brains blown out.
I think they were some kind of Christians. Possibly Seventh Day Adventist, or Jehovah’s Witnesses. Rosicrucian, or 33rd degree Freemason. Byzantine Catholics. Jesuit Protestants. Latter Day Saints? Perhaps they were even Illuminati or Thulean Mannerbund. Gypsy or Jewish actors. I made sure not to look at their faces.
You see, after Yuletide I began working on the story of the millennium. It was really that good. You wouldn’t believe was I was about to discover, had I written one more paragraph. But then I encountered the men in black gym shorts on the treadmills. And they stopped my research cold in its tracks. There is a reason no one else has yet claimed this juicy historical prize. Because it is protected by assassins.
I’ve never made any agreement with anyone about what I can and cannot say. I am a human being and my expression is sovereign. I am willing to die for the cause. But which one? I once promised God that I would defend God against the terrible slander of the Bible. Ten years ago, I perceived the Bible as an unholy conspiracy between Jerusalem and Rome that defames the divine person itself. And to that end of debunking the Bible I am not willing to compromise.
But other subjects? One of the men in black gym shorts described his genealogy as half northern European, half Armenian/Russian. One of the first facts I later learned while drinking my protein recovery shake is that the Kingdom of Armenia was the first state in the world to make Christianity its religion, in 301 CE, preceding Rome by 79 years. Well, let’s just say that from now on I am going to leave the history of this time period to the professionals. Nothing between 325 and 1453 CE. I will leave this history to the secret Vatican cave it is contained within.
And in case any of this is starting to sound insane to you, let me just be the first to say, thank God. Insanity will be my first defense against getting my brains blown out by a Gnostic Presbyter with a dopey stage name. I am the proud owner of a certificate in mental illness from a real state hospital and I believe in things that cannot be seen. Everything I have ever written on this website is mentally ill.
Here’s exactly how my life was threatened… Now pay up, the IRS wants your shekels:
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